Sawadikha Bangkok!

I'm in Bangkok, Thailand.

Wow, that sounds sudden, doesn't it? Especially if you haven't found a way of keeping up with me over the last several harrowing months in my life. I'm over halfway through student teaching, finishing up over here in Thailand, which means I must've survived the first part, as well as the massive student teaching project. It was looking pretty sketchy there for a while, but I pulled through. Actually, i think i had very little to do with it. My passing that first placement had everything to do with God's awesome divine intervention and the people He placed in my life:

1. My sweet roommate: Ranae did so much around the house and helped me out in so many ways, i've completely lost track of everything she did...and i'm not sure i'll ever be able to repay her. Just having someone to vent to on those endless strings of scary days went far, though.

2. My supervising teacher: This woman KNOWS how to teach, let me tell you. And if it wasn't for all her constructive criticism, advice, and encouragement, i wouldn't have made it. I definitely would've hit the self-destruct button at some point. Somehow, she put up with the inexperienced, transition-to-teaching student.

3. Adam: I put this one third b/c that's about where he showed up. Halfway through September I met a fellow student teacher on one of my worst days -- he cheered me up, and often, became the reason I forced myself to go back to school on days i didn't feel like it. His help and encouragement made a HUGE difference for me. We're dating now, in case you hadn't figured that out.

4. My family: My parents were excellent places for venting and ranting, not to mention my constant prayer warriors. They encouraged me and listened well. Plus, my brother was a fun phone call away. He could get me to laugh easily, and he helped me out a lot with coming up with fun lesson plans and creating charts for my project.

5. My friends: At church or school, the people who managed to keep up with me really made my life a "life" during that time. For instance, i don't know where i would've been without the Robinsons. Whenever I'm in WL, they are my family away from home. Their prayers, strength, and courage (especially with all they've had to face) gave me inspiration and motivation to get through. 

So, now i'm in Thailand. Hard to believe i'm back on this side of the world already. It's so completely different from Cambodia, but I'll be back there soon. It'll be fun to see everyone and use Khmer again, if I haven't already forgotten everything. Well, i may not post again while i'm over here b/c things are about to get busy. But so far, i'm enjoying myself. I think i'm going to like teaching here.

Crossroads

It's raining...and somehow that feels right. I've been so utterly wiped out for perhaps the last week that having an excuse not to go run may actually be a gift. Of course, that's not just physical exhaustion either. I finally started preparing for my student teaching unit -- on the Odyssey -- and it's taking everything out of me. Half the time, I just stare at the teacher's manual, feeling like my brain has gone on vacation. But it's not just that my brain is thinking about other things; it's more like it's not thinking at all. At every creative idea, i hit an impasse of fact and requirement. I'm getting nervous. Especially if the month i have left for planning continues on the same way. Day by day i wonder if this is really what i want to do: teach.

I told God that yesterday, and the next thought i had was: "It's not about you." That much i know, although i forget it from time to time. It's not that i doubt God wanted me to do this, either; after all, He arranged everything for me to be here and got me through all the classes and standardized tests i had to pass. Maybe what scares me is the thought of failing my future students or being so off the beaten track that i can't meet the requirements for Grace's student teaching. Maybe it would've been easier just to do TESL. Maybe the pressure is more intense during student teaching than when you have your own classroom; i hope so. Because right now, i'm seriously questioning whether i have what it takes to live with this kind of stress constantly. But then, part of that comes from still being a rookie to the education scene. I'm still learning how to be a teacher. Overall, i guess i must admit that, for whatever reason, i know this path is what God wants -- He's proved that to me in so many ways.

All the same, many times i feel like i'm at a crossroads. As i work on my unit, i'm also getting ready for the writer's conference i'm going to in a week and a half. No idea how that will go; i'm not expecting my wildest fantasies to come true -- but that would be nice. I see people all around me making choices...some select their dreams to sacrifice security, while others write off what they want to be responsible. Is one better than the other? I think it depends on the person. But i'm a slice of both, so i stand at the crossroads, hoping that somehow a road will appear that will take me down the middle of both directions i need and want to go. I don't want to choose between the two, but i will when the time comes.

I found this verse in Jeremiah 6:16, and i've been repeating it to myself a lot over the last several days: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls."

At least I know what i will do when it's time to walk again...and then finally, i'll have some rest for my weary mind and soul. But for now, hope floats. I think i'll just stand here at the crossroads and look a little longer.

Chasing Dreams

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: 65 or 70
Cop: Do you know what the speed limit is through here?
Me: 60
Cop: You heading back to Grace?
Me: Basically
Cop: Is there a reason you're in such a hurry?
Me: No, not really

I got a warning, no points, no ticket. If that's not divine intervention, I don't know what is. While he was running my license, all I could think was, "This is a fine I don't need and an insurance hike I can't afford." I didn't cry or feel like I was going to. I was just stunned.

Me: (on the phone) And about 15 minutes ago, i got pulled over.
Dad: By cops?
Me: No, by ninjas.

So, i kept my sense of humor, as well as my wits. I realized it probably wasn't a good idea to tell the officer that the reason i was driving so fast was because i like to do so. But then, lately, i've felt like i've had the cruise set on something well over the speed limit in my life...then realized the highway is dividing up ahead and I have to decide which way to go by the time i get there.

To me, i guess chasing a dream is kind of like chasing a rainbow. Is there really a pot of gold? Is there really an end to it? Is it a gigantic waste of time to try? Well, even if it is, you'll never know unless you try. Only, in my case, i've realized that i'm chasing about five dreams, so i'm being yanked in about five different directions. Yet, if i don't jump and jump now, my chances of ever seeing any of them fulfilled are zero. Right now, i'm on course for teaching, which is connected to the missions in SE Asia dream. So, that's like coordinating 2 or 3 dreams at the same time (granted, they're newer dreams). Then, there's the getting published dream. I finally registered for a writer's conference over Memorial Day, so we'll see where that takes me. That's been a dream since i was in 2nd grade, so it feels more impossible. But God wired me to be a writer, so i want to take this chance and try. And keep trying.

When you're a kid, i think you have this feeling that there's so much time. You know you have these dreams, but what can you accomplish as a kid? Those are things you have to wait till you're an adult to do. And for a lot of people, i think they get hit a little too hard with a reality slap; they forget about their dreams when they're old enough to do something about them. I'm starting to wonder if my infamous sarcasm in high school and college was really a cover for the ridiculous hope and optimism i cling to, and so, now that i'm 24, i've realized that now can be someday. Now is the time to chase my dreams, even though it can be rather wearying, because i never knew i would want so many different areas in my life so badly. I'm used to pursuing one thing at a time.

I met with my supervising teacher for next fall, and she was trying to describe to me how you get a feeling for a class, for the individual kids, and for what works. After reading through all my stuff for student teaching, i was already freaked when i met with her, and thinking of what i'll do regarding classroom management and discipline is something that ties my stomach in knots...when i'm overwhelmed with everything else too. It's funny, because, the way she was describing this "feeling" reminded me of when moms tell their young daughters how they'll know when they meet the "right guy." It's the "You'll Just Know" theory. Well, i really wanted to trust my teacher that this feeling will "Just Come" to me, but to be honest, when the "You'll Just Know" theory hasn't gotten me anywhere with guys, i'm a little suspicious about the "Just Come" one. But i'll figure something out.

I always do. Still enjoying my insanely crazy life. So, this post's going out to my entertaining roommate, who killed the bat circling our living room the other night with a broom!

Staying Alive

I don't know why i feel like i should update now, rather than put myself to bed, but i realized the other day that whoever still reads these blogs may not know i'm alive. So, here ya go: I'm alive. The semester from Ohio is over (that's for all you PA & MI people). For the next few months, the plan is just to kick around WL, keep working at the bookstore, and get ready for student teaching in the fall.

The move went well...all things considered. Discovered i was having interesting breathing issues shortly after we moved, so Ranae got an air purifier, which has helped. Birds are still attacking my car as if it is a giant bush, but i expected that since we only moved next door. It's a strange relief to have all of the projects and finals behind me again; i almost feel agitated, like there's something i need to be doing...maybe that's because i need to be having a life. Well, that's the plan. And in only a little over 5 months from now, i'll be back in Southeast Asia. Wow.

I was out for a run the other day, and it hit me that i've been back from Cambodia for almost a year...how fast that time has gone and how that experience has really shaped me, even in the States. At 24 years old, i've had the experience of a lifetime, and i've gotten a good laugh out of how i ended up back in WL. I mean, if i hadn't gone to Cambodia, i never would've done TESL. If i hadn't done TESL, i never would've found out that i liked teaching. And if it hadn't been for the 5 months i spent stubbornly trying to find a journalism job without success, i never would've put it all together and come back to Grace to get my teacher's certification. And now...look at me! Halfway to having that certification and taking it back to the part of the world i feel God has made me for. I think it was yesterday, staring out the window at work, that i realized i would've hated a job in journalism. I love writing, and i love using it in useful ways...but writing for a newspaper would've bored me to tears. My mind is just too active and creative for that. While i enjoy writing articles, i don't think i would've liked it for long as a career. With deep irony, i'm realizing that i'm much more suited to working with teens. Who knew?

Then, maybe a couple weeks ago, i discovered that a good friend of mine has inflammatory breast cancer -- which is a rapid cancer. She's not much older than me, and she was planning to head to the mission field too. I think we're all still pretty shocked by it, but i'm learning a lot. I'm also finding that a lot of little things are involved when someone you care about has cancer...things like rest, types of food, and making sure everything is disinfected. But more importantly, things like just being there or finding the humor in the system, in people.

Well, that's about it as far as updates on me go. I'm pretty tired, but i have few complaints. I'm happy where i am and with who i am. All things considered, that's as much as i could ask for. Keep praying:)

Embracing the Craziness

Since I haven't posted since January, I thought i'd take a brief break between projects to give the scoop. First, as of May 1st, i'm moving again. The massive flooding we had here a month ago gave us a mold problem, so my roommate and i are, ironically, moving into the house next door, which doesn't have that problem. We also won't have to share the house with any other tenants.

But better yet, i'm doing part of my student teaching in Bangkok, Thailand!! Woot woot! I think I leave for that the end of October; couldn't be more excited. I also got placed with the teacher at Warsaw high school that I wanted for the first part. So, yeah, just have to survive the next several weeks, and then once again, i will be done with classes...at least until i'm required to get my master's, as seems to be the case with teaching.

Any way, in all the craziness, i've participated in a lot of zany conversations. Those are probably a better insight into my life at the present then me conducting a long rambling post. So, enjoy the nuttiness. Granted, some of them you may have had to be there for.

Dr. Bowling: "How's it going?"
Me: "I think it's going without me."
Dr. B. : "It goes that way sometimes. The train goes whether you're on it or not. Hopefully, you're on it."
Me: "Or at least riding on a horse next to it."

Customer at TOL: "Are you at the register up front?"
Me (back at the cafe): "Yes. And I'm back here. I just haven't quite gotten the hang of the whole omnipresence thing yet."

Me: "What kind of phone is that?"
Daniel: "Awesome."
Me: "So, if i go into a store, i should ask the guy for an 'awesome' phone?"
Daniel: "Yeah, and see this? I've got a tight-as-crap case for it."
Me: "So, i ask for the awesome phone with the tight-as-crap case?"

Josh: "Thanks [for holding the door]."
Me: "Yeah, if the whole teaching thing doesn't work out, maybe i'll be a valet."

Sherrie: "Oh, I'm disappointed. I thought the title of that book was How to Pray When You Can't Think. I could've used that one."

Me: "So, I was completely exhausted and distracted while working on this paper. I thought I had written, 'these frustrations are due to poor classroom management,' but i messed up on 'poor.' Instead, i wrote, 'these frustrations are due to poop.' Then, i cracked up for at least five minutes and couldn't stop laughing at all. Yeah. I was tired."

Professor Polston: "And now Kathryn is up."
Me: "Actually, I go by Katy. I thought about having my name legally changed, but Ocho Cinco has already been taken, so what's the point?"
Silence.
Me: "That's football humor, people."

Well, it seems like there were more, but those are the ones that spring to mind and don't need a whole lot of background explanation. Back to the books and the final push.